Real Talk

Overlooked Joys of the Female Life

July 24, 2015

Typical. Recently I’ve found myself thinking this sarcastic response a bit too often, and it got me thinking about the daily struggles I often encounter as a female. There are many things us girls love to complain about (being female is hard work!), but there are also so many forgotten-about annoyances we endure that just don’t get enough attention. Sure, periods suck. The idea of lugging a baby around in my stomach for 9 months makes my back hurt just thinking about it. Then there are the other favorites – lost hair ties, mysteriously missing bobby pins, running with boobs, shaving our legs, etc. I could find enough Tumblr posts complaining about these irksome problems to fill a hole the size of Canada, but there’s still an unremembered group of issues that deserves some more publicity. Sooo I decided to start a list of my own – the often-forgotten little pleasures us ladies encounter on the reg. This list is definitely not exhaustive, but I thought I would share what immediately came to mind.

1. Peeing in a romper. Having to get completely naked every time I have to pee is extremely inconvenient. And it’s cold. The thought of having to totally undress just to pee makes me decrease my liquid intake whenever I wear a romper so I can avoid the hard work, which means I risk serious dehydration if I choose to wear a romper on a warm day.

2. Chipping your nails within 5 minutes of painting them. This has happened to me twice this week. You’d think I’d learn, but I don’t think it will ever stop happening. I paint my nails and they look completely lovely and fresh and bright and shiny and new and then I prematurely attempt to put my nail-painting materials away, destroying my perfect manicure in the process. I get embarrassed even though nobody else knows, and then I usually just push the nail polish around on my finger to make it look less noticeable (which doesn’t work).

P.S. If you caught the movie reference in the previous paragraph, atta babe.

3. Dealing with the root of eyebrow hairs. About once a week, I take the necessary time to perfect my brows – tweezing, brushing, cutting, the works. When I do, I feel like a new woman. Eyebrows truly do shape your face. Then the next day, the dreaded dot appears. It’s the bud of an eyebrow hair – too small to grip with tweezers to pluck but still dark enough to be noticeable. Totally throws off my eyebrow game, and I’m forced to wait until it grows long enough to pluck.

4. Missing that one corner of shaving your armpits. Girls loooove to joke about that one strip of leg hair they always miss while shaving, but no one ever mentions the armpit nook! I can’t be the only one. There’s that one impossible corner, and I usually don’t realize I missed it until I’m putting on my clothes and it’s too late. These things can be fixed, but still annoying.

5. Earrings stabbing your head while you sleep. Each night I find myself having an internal struggle – do I sleep comfortably on my side but suffer the consequences in the morning when I have an indentation and sharp pain behind my ear from where my earring post stabbed me during the night? Or do I awkwardly sleep on my back?

6. Going back to eyebrows – accidentally plucking an important one! I am so terrified of committing this error because negative past experiences have traumatized me. Bald spots are not the business. Sure, that’s what my beloved Brow Wiz was made for, but I still see a reminder of my beauty blunder each night when I take off my makeup.

7. Getting hair stuck to your mouth. This one gets a little bit of attention, but not enough. I’ll be strolling along with my arms full or hands occupied, chatting away, and a strand of hair gets blown into my mouth. But I have no hands to remove it. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’ll just have to leave it there for an uncomfortable amount of time and eventually it will get removed, but that does not reduce the gross discomfort.

8. Peeing with long hair. Hair just gets in the way! If I don’t have a hair tie at all times so I can pull my hair back whenever I pee, I’m a total mess. Long hair is blinding and a total nuisance when peeing. I can’t see the toilet paper roll, and every head movement I make is useless because my hair gets in my line of sight. If your hair is butt-length, that’s an entirely different issue. (I suggest getting a haircut.)

9. Picking an outfit based on period status. Am I going to get my period soon? Will I be bloated? Should I wear something stretchy so I’m comfy? Are white pants a bad idea? Which thong is most comfortable? There are so many decisions to make at all times of the month, and it gets overwhelming. I usually end up disregarding the answers to all of these questions because it’s just too much, but I’d be lying if I said none of those thoughts cross my mind.

10. Doing your eyeshadow like a boss and then getting mascara dots on your eyelids. I’ll admit it – this happens waaaay too often to me and makes me so frustrated. Half the time I wipe the evil mascara dots off, but usually I’m just so annoyed that I leave them there because I don’t want to give them the satisfaction. Sorry ’bout it.

I’m sure a part 2 of this #ohsolovely little list will come someday, but this will suffice for now. I’m putting myself out there and hoping I’m not the only person who struggles with these issues (awkward), so let me know what you think and help me add to the list in the comments! #icanteven

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